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Financial Cheating

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Before I get to the bad...the past few months have been a huge relieve for me. I love my newish job working for one of Job Corp's contractors as I've gotten to learn a lot professionally. My wife also took a new job offer helping to relieve financial stress off of me as her old job (as a asst. manager) paid less than my job did. I've actually had some spark and the financial freedom has been awesome!

On Saturday I found out that my wife took out a loan for her parents at a loan shark place in town to help her mom pay the electric bill. Worst of all she hid it from me ripping up the receipt when I found it sitting in our car. It ruined a date night I had been wanting to do for a long time. A bit of a refresher on my in-law's situation...they are both retired with a very limited IRA fund. They have two broke down vehicles (not paid for) in the drive way and a van that is barley alive. They reside in low income housing. Her brother, 25, also resides in their household and brings in very low income. Essentially they are self destructive financially and do what "feels good". Her brother is catfished a lot and sends money to random people he doesn't even know, hence "feel good" instead of helping with bills.

Needless to say I am pissed as my wife is still paying on defaulted loans that she took out for her parents as a teenager and she put OUR financial stability at risk.

At this point I've set it straight that her brother is not to step foot onto our property until he grows a pair of balls and helps with his parents and cuts the crap and that any stunts like this would lead to a divorce using our already established child custody agreement. Asides sitting back money JIC SHTF does anyone have any suggestions? I'm trying to get my wife to attend counseling with me.

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Hey, I've read your travails over time, so I remember the catfish stories for example.

I have my own account, my wife has her own account. We figured out what our monthly nut is we need to crack (rent, electric, etc.). I made approximately 2/3 of our income, so I contributed 2/3 of the monthly nut. My wife contributes the other 1/3. What we each do with our leftover money is our own business.

This situation struck my mom as unusual, her being old-school. In her case, most of the combined money went into one big pot, and the leftover money was enjoyed individually.

I doubt either way is "right", I bet it all depends on the financial situation.

Relationship-wise, it's my OPINION (I'm not a therapist) that a happily married couple should support themselves first, children 2nd (tied for 1st obviously), family 3rd, all else 4th.

If what your wife is doing is supporting her parents while hurting your marriage, I say nay. If she can pay her share of the bills and support her parents at the same time, I say it's her money.

I'm a big believer in mental health, but insurances that cover this are hit and miss.

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