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Jescor

No More Mr Nice Guy

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Has anyone else read this book by Robert Glover?

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B004C438CW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_uy.KBbE1P604N

I'm working through it right now and I'm struggling with a few things. This weekend as an exercise I'm supposed to be doing only the things I want to be doing (not including taking care of children or actual responsibilities) and not the things I do strictly for other people. My wife is fully on board, but the guilt I'm still struggling with is crazy, and it's only been 4 hours into Saturday.

Has anyone else worked through this?

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I know that I am working through this (have not read the book, just trying to find balance) - on of the ways I try to show my wife that I am "actively" in love with her (because I believe love is a verb as much as a feeling) is that I try to do things that she would like me to do. I also come from a "servant leadership" and a "service" background; all this compounds into trying to do right by helping others.  It can be a struggle to ask for time off.  Once you have it, you keep thinking about all the OTHER things you could be doing!  

It sure makes having time off to do YOUR wants harder.  I found the key is to recognize and express your agnst - especially with your woman!  One of the ways my wife and I do that is making sure that we BOTH get our "personal time" doing our favorite things.  My wife occasionally travels without me or the kids for part of the weekend with some of her girlfriends.  In return, I get time off to do things with "my boys" like work on hot rod or go to the game.  

It may also be helpful to schedule not just YOUR time, but US time.  By scheduling time to help take care of your family, you know you haven't ignored them; they are a priority, too, and they have their time, you have yours (as YOU are a priority!) 

These might help find the balance in trying to "things only for you."

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Nice to see others have the same sort of ordeal as me. I have trouble showing love/romance in the way she wants to see it.  I like you guys tend to do a lot for others. I try to take care of a lot of the "dad" stuff so my wife doesn't have to. Granted the last few years haven't been ideal with Liv's leukemia treatment. during that time I tried to handle the house stuff so the wife could concentrate on the kid. Worked out well enough except for our relationship. Both of us usually get completely run down that we don't have time for ourselves let alone each other.

Now that is over with we are trying to get back to having a better relationship, but I feel like the upcoming new house has taken the place of what we just went through. She is busy with the new house plans and I'm busy touching up the current house for sale. Compounding everything is the fact my wife just finished weaning off of Efexor (pretty hard core anti-anxiety drug)  the withdrawal symptom can be tough and I think she is really feeling it, especially the rebound anxiety. Feels like we are back to square one.

The one light at the end of the tunnel is being to get away the last weekend of the month, just to the 2 of us.  will be the first time in many years.

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Seems cool. Something I probably could've used in my youth. Yes, I lashed out at my wife in the past. Seems like it was speaking to me,,,,,about 15 years ago. Ah, life experiences. You kinda just grow and learn in order to still get what you want, but be happy. I'm all about it though. Everyone should be getting what they want and be happy in the relationship.

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