Welcome To Dad's Hideout: ntp_ntp
Posted 03 November 2015 - 08:18 AM
Posted 03 November 2015 - 08:30 AM
I am 47, have had a pc since I was 10.
Played every game console from Sears Pong all the way up to the PS2 and currently running an old Alienware Area 51-7500 thats been upgraded and overclocked here and there.
My girl(she's 27) plays WoT after watching my play for over three years and 13k+ battles.
I am heavy into multirotor flying, I have approx 20 quads ranging from nano to 450mm class, and half a dozen heli's.
My sons are her DNA and my 'Influence' ,,,I am always afraid they will end up like me, due to the fact that me is the me I most disgusted,dissappointed in and just plain suicidal.
I take meds now, they bog me down and keep me from harming myself or others, but my feelings about myself are, well described above.
I have lost my faith, and belive my soul, as a direct result of a failed suicide attempt on may 23rd 2012.
It was the one thing my Grandmother always told me would be mine unless I committed a deadly sin, and I had. (was dead for about 2 mins, intentional motorcycle crash) so....Gaming is my only 'Release' so to speak.
I find that Wows, WoT, Diaspora and the occasional round or two in AW and Star Conflict make me forget my inner hate for myself.
Despite all that i get them up and ready for school, and pretty much cater to their needs. They are intelligent, handsome and charming with a heavy dose of devious. ...so, the keep me pretty busy.
my girl loves me and does not see the monster I see when I look in the mirror. She deserves better, younger and pretty than me, but wants me as her only. so, I got that going for me.
If this is disturbing, i would understand an edit.
Posted 03 November 2015 - 02:09 PM
Your words and thoughts are your own Stephan. I would certainly be one to try to steer you away from these thoughts of who you see in the mirror. The ability to see the fault in our decisions from our past make us better in tomorrow's world. We don't really do religion here though, so we will just leave that alone. However you live though, is for you to decide. And I mean, you have a daughter and all now. You have to be better for them. To set the example. Fresh slate. From today on. Nobody here knows you from the past, and we don't need to. It's all on how you do from this point on for us. So be strong. Be confident. You're aces to me. I'm sure you will have a great time unwinding and tanking with the other dads from here. They are a great group.
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