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Great article on Special Needs Dads


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6 replies to this topic

#1 iampiper13

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Posted 10 April 2015 - 08:36 PM

http://themighty.com...-the-diagnosis/

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#2 xxDerPittsxx

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Posted 13 April 2015 - 08:41 AM

Great Read !! +1 to you Sir
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#3 kwakatak

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Posted 21 April 2015 - 10:57 AM

Indeed, great read. Very heartfelt. I do not doubt the sincerity. I've talked with many moms of kids with special needs and developmental delays and often the working husband isn't mentioned because so much of who they are is tied up in the well-being of their little ones.

That's because I've been there myself because as a stay at home dad I've done the same duty for over 10 years now, with a child with autism and what used to be known as "mental retardation" among other things - but this isn't about me. This article is for you guys who believe it or not are in a support role for the person at home who has a job that doesn't end at 5PM when you walk through the door. I know it's tough for such working spouses to comprehend given that a "typical" day would involve coming home to "decompress" only to find that their significant other is probably twice as burnt out without the validation of a paycheck.

The author of this blog clearly has her husband's support. I would even assume that the rest of their family comes to pitch in from time to time. There are those who don't have that luxury though. Many have to rely on professional help in the form of home health aides in order to help juggle the housework and other family commitments with other children, grocery shopping, errands, etc. In this day and age, it's a requirement that somebody be home when a child under the age of 10 gets ready for school or comes home afterward. Some even need to be in reach should there be some setback with the child even if they are in school themselves. It's very stressful - even if they're just going through it with a "day to day" mindset.

So for those of you guys who come home to an irritable spouse with kids that can be a handful even when they're healthy, try and remember that tending to a child with special needs is actually MORE than a fulltime job. It's a lifetime commitment, and if there's an end in sight it's usually not a happy one. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there and help out with the household stuff when you can. Also, when the kids are put down for the night - make an extra effort to validate what your spouse is doing. Every little bit helps put wind back in the sails, believe me.

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#4 DrinkMilk

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Posted 26 June 2015 - 11:14 AM

I just read this.Thank you Piper.And Kwak, your response was great, too.For you dads that are tied more to home because your kids are more dependent on you, my hat more deservedly is tipped in your honor.

I also understand this article, but in an odd reversal of roles.My wife is the bread winner, whereas I'm just returning to part time work after being the sahd.My youngest has legs, knees, and ankles just like me: weak, wobbly, slow, tiring."Look at the palsy kid" was the usual comment I heard at school.Thank god kids don't know the word "palsy" today.Anywho, I am the parent that takes her to the doctors, therapists, and orthotists.I'm the one who monitors her development more closely, but only because I've gone through it.My wife is the one who wants to be there more but can't.However, she's the one also praised/sympathized for when we're all seen out somewhere.She's the one doctors, etc will talk to first is she has time to go with us to appointments.I'm still the one who carries our daughter when she's tired, puts her to bed when she's asleep, or deals with her when she's the most frustrated.

And like any other special needs dad, I wouldn't change what I do for anything in the world.Except maybe that her legs allowed to her be more "normal".We're blessed in the we have very mild struggles compared to many more dependent and differently able kids, physically and cognitively.i don't pretend to know others' struggles, other than it hurts me to see my girl growing up with the same difficulties I had as a kid.We all want better for our kids and won't hesitate to give anything for them.

Crap. I'm rambling again.Again, I understand the article and respectfully tip my hat to those with way more daily struggles than us.
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#5 iampiper13

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Posted 28 June 2015 - 09:50 AM

I hear ya drink, by now most of the Docs and other medical people we see know I'm Callies primary so don't really get a lot of that any more. My biggest problem is with social services and such where I can't even be the main applicant for Callie because I the dad.
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#6 DrinkMilk

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Posted 30 June 2015 - 09:04 AM

Yah, it's tough to overcome the "he's only the dad" label.Even in WI, courts didn't bother looking at the case too closely, giving mom custody of the kids nearly every time.Maybe that's changed now?

I know a few other dads in the same boat, but who are also great guys trying, like us, to change the "uninvolved dad" stereotype within the system.
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#7 mongoose

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Posted 19 October 2015 - 06:15 AM

when I married my wife 12 years ago she had a daughter with autisim now I call her my own they both had a tough life. the father is not in the picture its all good thou cause he does drugs and drinks a lot now don't get me wrong I enjoy a little jack and coke or a bellhaven Scottish ale once in a while but being a father comes first. That article is right special needs kids bring out the better in you it has me become a better man and father.


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