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Torqued

DHO Member
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Torqued last won the day on February 27 2017

Torqued had the most liked content!

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About Torqued

  • Rank
    Don't hate me because I'm beardiful..
  • Birthday 04/05/1970

Converted

  • Real first name
    Robert
  • Location
    Houston, TX

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  1. Torqued

    LOLs at your Spouse's expense

    Wife and I were at the drug store a few years ago picking up some things. I reminded her that we needed to get more toilet paper. She starts looking around at all of the signs over the aisles and I'm all "What are you looking for?" She says: "The aisle with the toilet paper on it.." She was basically standing in front of the Great Wall of TP while doing that... So now when she can't find something, I always ask her if she's checked behind the toilet paper since it's apparently as good as a Klingon cloaking device... Even our daughter has started asking if she's checked behind the toilet paper... lol
  2. My wife had about 3 thoughts running through her head at the same time and was trying to explain something to me... but the sentences she put together made no sense.. it's like she picked a different word from each thought until she made a few sentences. She got finished and looked at me and said "I have no idea what I was trying to say.." I replied: "Well.. that makes it unanimous!" We both laughed so hard and so long that our faces hurt.. In her defense, we weren't entirely sober at that moment, either... lol
  3. Torqued

    Kidney Stone... :-(

    That sucks... about 4 years ago, I had a 6mm stone get stuck just outside the bladder... they had to go get it. They must have butchered my ureter getting that stone out... it looked like I was pissing red wine afterwards, even with me drinking a ton of water. That first piss the morning after the surgery was something else... if felt like I was pissing razor blades and alcohol and someone had set it on fire. I broke out in a cold sweat it hurt so bad. The pain from that was worse than the kidney stone pain. :/ I hope your surgery goes better than mine! FWIW, a friend of mine hooked me up with a few joints that worked a hell of a lot better than any other pain meds they gave me... just sayin'! Good luck!
  4. Torqued

    40 year old jokes

    40 is when your brain gives your body a list of things it's not going to do any more!
  5. Torqued

    Happy Birthday xxDerPittsxx

    Happy birthday and congrats on being born in the best month of the year! lol
  6. Torqued

    Happy Birthday Torqued

    Thanks, guys!
  7. Torqued

    Black Sails

    Noooo... we need more episodes with Max naked!
  8. Torqued

    Trying again..............

    Welcome back, man!
  9. Torqued

    Anyone here like cigars?

    A few years ago, one of my local cigar shops had a cigar rolling class that the AJ Fernandez guys put on. I think it was $150 or so and you got to roll 10 cigars that you got to take home in a special box they had made just for the class! And, they had a catered dinner that evening, too! So they brought boxes of the same tobacco they use at their factory and also brought their top roller. He did several demos and his cigars looked like you could put them right on the shelf for sale! We used the exact same tobacco and a lot of our cigars ended up looking like dog rockets. They tasted good and smoked pretty well, though.. I think I have a few left. It was a lot of fun!
  10. I think my wife caught the cold I had last week.. She just walked in here and groaned "Ugh... my temperature is 99.8." I said "See! It told you you were HOT!" I pretty much got this look from her: She's sick... so I figured I'm not getting laid tonight anyway so I get a freebie smartass evening. And, technically, it was a compliment!
  11. Like the title says... Anyone into cigars? I have been for a number of years... smoke 3-5 cigars/week. My wife even smokes with me! Funny story about that... I remember when she had her 1st cigar. We met at work and were on a business trip together (this was while we were still dating). We were in Atlanta for a conference... and our account rep took me, my wife, and another one of our coworkers out to a nice dinner... I think we went to Morton's for a steak... after that, we ended up at a strip club! (I think it was Cheetah's)... I forget what I was drinking, but my wife was drinking lemon drops. A girl came around with cigars and we all got one - including my wife (It was an Arturo Fuente, btw). We're all sitting there tossing back drinks and smoking cigars while my wife picked out strippers to come over to the table and dance for us. LOL! We had a blast! And she's been smoking with me ever since... it's a double edged sword because I have to buy 2 of everything and she likes good cigars! And by "good", I mean $$! lol
  12. Torqued

    Plex

    I know this is an old thread, but I've got a Plex server, too... anyone interested in sharing? I have a lot of kid friendly shows...
  13. Torqued

    Depressing FB Scams

    Yeah. I have a few trying to sell Thrive, Herbalife, etc... one of my friends actually lost a lot of weight with NutriSystem and was featured on their web site and I think she had a video/interview, too... I usually just unfollow them so it doesn't show up in my feed.
  14. Torqued

    parenting question

    Ok.. That's seriously not cool.. did he have any bruises?
  15. Torqued

    parenting question

    Like I said.. we need a lot more detail... was the kid being a DerPitts and deserved a swat on the behind? How was he hit? How hard? How many times? Where? etc...
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