Helping someone in a bind is never a bad thing. That being said, this sounds like a situation where you want to help but only if conditions are met. Eg. he gets help, she gets help, or they are doing something to right their situation. It sucks because kids are involved; which hopefully someday the father will recognize. Bottom line is the kids come first, both the mother and father need to man up to the situation. You and your wife will continue to be used out convenience either because the father or mother or both don’t want to deal with the situation the right way. I will pray for you.