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Showing content with the highest reputation since 12/24/2018 in all areas

  1. 3 points
    Gillette & Toxic Masculinity A Positive Message or an Attack on Men? If you read the news or participate in social media, you have no doubt seen the phrase "toxic masculinity." If you haven't, the concept is simple on the face of it: behaviors and expectations of what a "real man" is that cause or increase likelihood of harm for self and/or others. The is an ad produced by Gillette that has taken the internet and news media by storm in the last two days that attempts to highlight "toxic masculinity." Here's the rub: what the hell does that mean? Why do we even care? Why Dads Should Care Boys or girls, biological, step or adopted, uncle, grandpa or just mentorship-related; we influence children and adults through our interactions and through our value systems. These value systems are held in close connection to our self identification. We define ourselves through our values, and our values should influence our actions. As we hold these values so closely, we tend to try and pass them on to others. If the values have served us well (or more accurately, when we perceive that the values have a positive influence on our lives) we want share our beliefs so others can have our success. What if our values are actually holding us back or causing other harm? That is the reason why we should care about this "toxic masculinity" discussion. It is far too complicated cover all of this in a single post, but lets take a quick look at what is going on in this ad and what we can do; perhaps more importantly - should we do anything? Gillette - The "Mens" Company that Jumped into the Discussion In the last two days, my news feed has been swamped by reports and discussion on this advertisement by Gillette (a company that makes razors and other personal care products for both men and women) which "calls out" the "toxic" behaviors of men. I suggest you watch it for context for the rest of this post. Gillette "Toxic Masculinity" Advertisement: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koPmuEyP3a0 Welcome back. How are you feeling? Happy? Sad? Confused? Angry? I felt all these things. It is a complicated and emotional topic. Look at the stats on the video (again this is just the last 2 days): The comments on the video are quite "enlightening" as well. Wade into the comments with care - they are not known for their "depth" but they give a good reading on a commentators emotional state at the time. The initial gut reactions are telling. Large numbers of men feel attacked and respond negatively. Why wouldn't they? The question is: Are the feelings justified? What is masculinity? Hell of a question, isn't it? I will take a stab at, though. Think of belief and action systems that are often held up as "good and virtuous" or as the highest forms of "masculinity": a "classic/old school gentleman," the "chivalrous knight," or the "hardworking father." All of these share common threads - responsibility & bravery among them. Think of the actions and believes these archetypes, the typical example of a thing, tend to have: kindness and consideration to others, forgiveness, mentorship/leadership, resoluteness, protectiveness, and strength in the face of adversity. (Disagree? Feel free to say so in the comments!) Each of these requires one to have both a sense of responsibility to act and bravery in order to live up to these concepts. With this idea of "masculinity" in mind, does the commercial attack those things? Spoiler alert: no. The ad doesn't attack any of these concepts; rather it highlights and encourages these concepts. I am thinking of breaking it down scene by scene but that a bit long for today - let me know if you would be interested in more commentary on this ad. So if the ad was mostly positive, why so much backlash? Where it went Wrong (for me) I can identify nearly every scene, but the one that stood out the most for me was the scene with the two boys 30 seconds into the ad. The narrator says "making the same old excuses" and the video cuts to two young boys "fighting" (more on that in a moment), then the dads standing idly by the grill repeating "boys will be boys" over and over again. The narrator continues, "but something finally changed," and a news caster talks about accusations of sexual assault. It was at this point that I had my negative emotions. The preceding scenes made me sad - bullying, sexual harassment, party culture, the "sitcom dad" attacking the maid, the board room guy using power and authority to silence the woman and "assume" her thoughts - these are situations that I believe represent harmful beliefs and actions. I was on board and supporting the message thus far; there are elements in our culture (and specifically in the culture of men) that are wrong and need to be confronted. Then the "fight scene." I became confused. I fell attacked and my mind went into defensive thoughts. I have two young boys and they do this all the time. Am I a bad parent? The narrator set it up - "making the same old excuses." What excuse am I making for my two sons when they fight? "Boys will be boys." I believe that boys DO have certain tenancies, and whats wrong with that. "Finally something changed," "sexual assault," "sexual harassment," berated me, the vision of my two sons wresting on the ground still in my mind. I became angry, and it clouded my view of the ad completely. Here's why: Attack on a Core Belief The scene, unlike the rest, lacked clarity. We see the two boys, of similar size and age, start to tussle. No context. Just a yell and down they go. From my perspective, I see two "boys being boys." To me, that is a thing - my sons like to wrestle with each other. They love to wrestle with their dad! This sort of play is not negative or "toxic," not any more than baby chimps or lion cubs tussling in nature. It gives an opportunity for my children to play and discover things, learn lessons, and connect with each other. Such play fighting or sport cannot be the entirety of a persons existence, as that would have a negative effect for sure, but in measured amounts, it serves to be a teaching tool; teaching about self, others and the world. A child has a toolbox of skills they can use solve conflict. The younger one is, the far fewer the available tools. One of the earliest tools is physical action. That physical action can take many forms: one could walk away, one could sit still, or one could attack another. The youngest attacks his brother on a regular basis, as the oldest is quite astute in driving the little one to "madness." And generally, I let them fight. Why? It teaches them something. I am not completely laissez faire a la "Lord of the Flies" - I am monitoring my children. I am not stepping in right away though. If I step in EVERY TIME they have a physical confrontation my sons learn one thing: if we fight a parent will stop us. While this seems like a good lesson, but is it? To stop every fight at the earliest sign of conflict prevents them from exploring conflict resolution in a most critical situation - after violence has started. What happens when we apply this to the larger world, where there are no parents to step in at all times? My sons do NOT learn to avoid physical confrontation, the learn to avoid getting caught. They do NOT learn that physical solutions often extract more in cost than in reward, only that violence will make parents become involved. They do NOT learn how to de-escalate violence or violent action, they learn others will de-escalate the situation for them. They might never learn there ARE times when violence is necessary, and that even in those cases, there is a cost. By allowing them to fight (supervised) they are actually developing their ability to make judgments and to reach agreements. They learn (the eldest already knows, as he does it on purpose) that you CAN push someone to violence through non-violence. There is a level of teasing, harassment, or just plain "button pushing" that will make violence justified in the mind of another. That is not the same thing as saying the justice is justified - only that it becomes justified to the other person. That is a VERY important lesson. It re-enforces civility and respect. They also learn that violence has consequences. Not just physically, though physical consequences have occurred; bruises, scrapes, bumps and cuts have all happened. More often than not the consequence is social, not physical. It could be a consequence within their relationship; they are far less likely to participate with one another after a significant fight. Less likely to share both physical possessions and knowledge. They are less likely to be trusted. It causes all sorts of problems. I notice the fight and I remember for the next time they ask me for something and then I remind them that those that fight do not get rewards. All of this helps teach that violence has long term consequences. Justified vs Unjustified Violence I have heard people say " no violence is justified," and I completely disagree. There are times when extreme violence is justified: self defense and the defense of others being the central pillar of that belief. More importantly, there is "unjustified" violence, and I think that was what Gillette was trying to highlight in their advertisement. They just did it poorly - there are time of justified violence and without context it is impossible to determine if this either of the cases. Indiscriminate violence is bad, we can all agree. Some violence might be justifiable - but how do we learn that? Through conflict as a child TEMPERED by the guidance and wisdom of adults. Interaction is key - to never intervene is tantamount to abuse, but some risk must be taken in order to allow experiences to happen. Once those experiences happen, it is our responsibility to provide context beyond the immediate situation so that they can learn to apply the experience to the larger world. Where else can we see justified violence? In sports. In many ways sports are the way in which modern societies find a way to allow physical action to manifest itself in a positive manner. Extreme examples are the martial arts (MMA, Boxing, Karate), less extreme is football, wrestling or rugby, but these are violence, make no mistake about it. What makes these justified vs unjustified violence? Agree upon rules and consent to engage in the activity. That is the lessons we need to teach, and by having "zero tolerance" for all physical violence we take away the ability to have learning experiences. Without these experiences (and the guidance from our role models) we cannot understand the world and how we should interact in it. Gillette Actually Gets it Right - They just did it Wrong. A minute later we see the resolution of the fight - the dad steps in and says "that's not how we treat each other, okay?" Small problem, i can hear the kids giggling. Maybe that's my subconscious hearing what I want to hear, but I don't hear complaints, screams or protest. I hear two kids having fun in a physical way. Two boys being boys. That's what touched the nerve. I won't lie, it took some introspection to fully understand the "simple" feeling of anger at this scene. It takes introspection and self reflection to unpack all of that. Going though the exercise is good and has allowed me to better grasp concepts I am teaching to my children. If Gillette wanted the ad to be a conversation piece, they have succeeded. Overall, the message is positive and one that dads can support. Kindness and consideration to others, forgiveness, mentorship/leadership, resoluteness, protectiveness, and strength in the face of adversity. Each scene in the ad highlights at least one of these concepts as being positive (or conversely, a scene shows that lacking these virtues leads to negative results) and that is a huge takeaway. Finally Thought Is that the only takeaway? The idea that some ways of acting are bad? Hardly. To me there is a much larger message that is getting ignored in this discussion of outrage - positive male role models are critical to the development of strong men. That's for a different post though. Let me know in the comments below what virtues you are teaching your children or mentorees; or let me know if you think the commercial was actually an attack and where it went wrong.
  2. 3 points
    First ace in the mod1. Being top tier is good! Pretty crazy battle; really aggressive initially, get plenty of lucky bounces, defend the base, and unnecessary ram kill at the end once I know we've won 🙂 http://wotreplays.eu/site/4687841#fjords-gpc_4-t-54_first_prototype
  3. 2 points

    Gillette & "Toxic" masculinity

    I'm gonna go ahead and dispute this. First part is right. Men aren't under attack. Full stop. For anyone that needs things to be explained in video game speak: https://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/05/15/straight-white-male-the-lowest-difficulty-setting-there-is/
  4. 2 points

    Gillette & "Toxic" masculinity

    Not offended, but it’s a dumb ad. They should take just as much flak as that Pepsi ad that tried to latch onto whatever protest movement was going on at the time (there was a Jenner or Kardashian involved). However, the comments are so toxic I actually want to side with the giant corporation and say the ad was great. 100% not with people joking about “soys” or that men are under attack...just the worst.
  5. 2 points

    AMD Build - Complete (~$900)

    So, I went and built the thing early- I got several really good (in my opinion) deals for Black Friday, and reached the point of getting the rest of the parts to make sure I did not need to return parts for replacement. Parts list: https://pcpartpicker.com/list/MqNp4q This includes tax on some items that I bought as part of bundles (i.e. buying the CPU and motherboard together, I lumped the sales tax on a single part in the price list) but does show total spent. As shown, I did not yet pick up a large storage drive, currently only have the single M.2 drive. Reason: My current computer is ~ 5 years old, and long term my plan is to run two systems, approximately 5 years apart. This should keep one system running at all times, and enable me to have both a working internet/word processing machine and a newer machine to run games. I am not chasing being able to run the newest games at the highest settings/ 4K resolution, but I prefer to be able to run any game that I want without issue, where the older machine no longer can do that (Intel i7 with a GTX 650Ti). New build choices (avoiding wall of text): Smaller case, mid-ATX case, not the full ATX case of my current machine, (wife dislikes the space requirement). This has issues. AMD processor. I swore off AMD almost 10 years ago now, but the price to performance of Ryzen and the AM4 socket being consistent to 2020 means this is an AMD machine AMD GPU. This was actually harder, but for the price of a GTX1060, I could get a RX580 (and less because sales). The RTX series was so far out of budget it was not even funny, and even stepping back to the 10xx series a 1080 or 1080Ti also are outside of the budget, and the 1070 was pushing the limits. So AMD here as well. RAM - after looking over several YouTube videos, it seems like the consensus is that for a new build, 16GB of RAM is the minimum for future proofing - 8GB will work for now, but some games are pushing that limit. Boot HDD - originally, this build was going to have an SSD boot drive, until there was a black friday sale on the Crucial NVMe drive. That meant that for ~$10 more I could put a NVMe drive in instead of the SSD. So, now to the fun parts. I use PC Part Picker a lot, and this build went through multiple iterations. I wanted to be $1000 or less including an official copy of Win10. For preference, much less was better than pushing the budget limit. The price of items drove a lot of choices, including a CD drive. To start with I laid out the basics, knowing that I wanted an AMD build, I started with a B450 motherboard (no reason to go the the X470 board). The MSI Tomahawk is highly reviewed and rated. I used that as a baseline, but also considered the B350 model of the Tomahawk. In theory the B350 works fine, it just needs a BIOS update to run the 2xxx series Ryzen chips and hopefully new stock would already be updated. If not, there is a process to get a first gen chip sent to you so that you can boot the board and update the BIOS. I ultimately went with the B450 because it should just work. The MSI board was generally a top pick for a lot of YouTube builds and B450 board reviews. The CPU was a long process. I am still not sure that I made the best choice, but money won the day. So the CPU is a Ryzen 2200G. $89 on sale, 4 cores, and I am planning to replace this with a Ryzen 3xxx or 4xxx CPU anyway, so it doesn't have to be a 10 year chip. It also would allow me to run a separate machine without a dedicated graphics card if I chose to do so in the future. Possibly as a small ITX build if I knew someone needed a simple computer that just worked for everyday tasks. At times, I had a 2400G and 2600 on the parts list, but for the sale price and the shorter expected window, I think the 2200G will perform perfectly well paired with the RX580. Which brings us to the GPU. Originally I chose a GTX 1060, both as a solid performer and as one of the most popular GPUs when putting together a new gaming PC by enthusiasts on a budget. This part, like the CPU, fluctuated a lot. At times, the 1060, a 1070, a 1070Ti, and the RX580 were all on the list. In the end, the 580 gives a lot of performance, and the 1070 and 1070Ti just cost too much for the budget on this build. I think this also will get upgraded, but time will tell. I am not hopeful for the new Nvidia cards, and seeing the actual performance of the new AMD cards that should be released in 2019 will be interesting. I also got 2 games coming from purchasing this, The Division 2 and Resident Evil 2, so either I paid ~$200 for the card, or I paid $200 for the card and those games. Now on to RAM - originally I was considering spending some extra money to get LED RAM, but passed on it with the move to 16 GB. Pretty simple, 16GB of DDR4-3200, the higher memory speed is beneficial to the Ryzen CPUs, hence the more expensive but faster kit. I need to check on this, as I think part of the set up was to overclock the memory to allow the higher speed to take effect over the Ryzen stock specification, but I think that part of the setup process was a simple button to allow the memory to overclock. The boot drive was touched on in the opening, and having experienced the difference, I would probably cut costs elsewhere now to fit that NVMe drive in, or at least have a smaller drive for OS only to boot from on start. It is impressive how quickly I get to my log in screen from power on. With 500GB, I can also run WoT, and probably at least some of my favorite Steam games from that drive without running out of space for a while. I eventually will add a mechanical drive (or SSD, depending on price) with 1.5-2TB of storage space. The NVMe drive does eliminate SATA ports 5 and 6 on the motherboard, so be aware of that when you add one to your system. Win10 - basic OS, and CD boot disk because I was not paying the extra for a USB stick. This also added a CD drive to the build, but my wife wanted one anyway, so that cost a bit extra (but less than getting the USB version of Win10). Power supply- modular EVGA 80+ Gold power supply, nothing really outstanding, just well rated by many users, overkill on power supplied, but was on sale for less than a smaller supply. And finally, the case. This is the part I actually dislike. I went cheap, and got bit by it. Rosewill Nautilus case, nothing terrible about it, but one of the stock fans in the front had an annoying tick, so $20 in new Corsair case fans later my $50 case is now $70 and I would have been better served by spending the money up front (probably). I will try to answer any questions/reply to feedback. Would there be interest in having something like this (without me actually building the machine) in the future? I actually enjoy the thought exercise and figuring out the trades between the prices and the components. So without building a machine, setting rules (price/performance) and choosing parts and providing reasons why, with discussion to follow? Ayle
  6. 2 points

    thanks Dad's

    I have truly enjoyed being part of DHO this past year. I look forward to another year with you all. Happy New Year, V
  7. 2 points

    Just press W - T95 Replay

    I've had bigger battles, but I thought this one would be fun to share. http://wotreplays.eu/site/4698790#murovanka-hepius-t95 I've recently been in several battles where a flank is all locked up... until the T95 shows up. There's a funny part in this video where four friendly heavies are all perfectly parallel parked ready for a corner fight (they're also perfectly positioned for the three enemy arty to crush them).... when I just roll by without pausing. Then a couple of enemies feed me all their hit points. Then I chase a tank around a house and kill him. It's a silly battle, but it just shows that sometimes a top tier T95 doesn't give a @#$%. I run the T95 with a super heavy spall liner. It pays huge dividends. Fewer crew injuries, hugely reduced arty damage, pisses off Japanese super heavies... so good. You have only one responsibility in the T95. Break your flank. You can do absolutely nothing about what's happening on the other side of the battlefield. There is no flexing. It makes your life very simple.
  8. 1 point

    Gillette & "Toxic" masculinity

    I haven’t watched it. Mostly because I find the debate tiresome. Focus on being as good a person as you can, respect others as equals unless they give you specific reason* to not be respected. I think that basic idea transcends gender, sexual orientation and class. If you get too fired up about an Ad, or perceive yourself as being called out in some way by a person or group of people, look at yourself and ask why you feel that way or are reacting that way. Change a behavior if you are so inspired coming out of that. Otherwise... be like Elsa and Let It Go (nice non-toxically masculine reference right there)... and then find a way to take cpl_maida out of a tanks game 😜 (note: that is not an easy thing to do). *by specific I also mean something that is rationally and reasonably threatening
  9. 1 point

    Homeschooling: No Tie Required

    We have " homeschooled" for many years now. We actually use a Public virtual charter school. Not every state has them but Texas does. WHat that means to me is the following. First, since it is a Texas charter school all costs are paid. Instead of tax dollars going to local school district they go to our Charter school. Second all online teaches are certified by the State of Texas . Classes are similar to skype. Parents are considered " learning coaches". State mandated standardized tests are still taken. They are given at a remote site. We have a love/hate relationship. I hate it that all schools teach towards the tests. On the other hand my son takes and passes the same state ( STARR) test as all the other kids in Texas. You can't say I am feeding him the answers, we aren't even allowed in the building where they test. The whole things is pretty flexible. If our son is having a good day maybe we go long. If he is having a bad day we cut short. If we want to travel we test or study in between stops. ( Actually we try to work slightly ahead all the time. So If something comes up planned or emergency we have a cushion.) We live in a busy neighborhood with dozens of kids. Our son spends time with his friends. He also has Karate and church. So he has plenty of social time. Teaching / learning coach has been challenging at times. Its been years since my High School chemistry or algebra. However, there are ways around it. One of the big advantages we have is this. In a brick and mortar school the teacher has to get say 30 lights to come on before moving on to next subject. We only have to get 1 to come on. If a class is easy we can double up or use the extra time on a class that is hard. Also....youtube !!! Almost any subject you wish to teach/learn is available on youtube. ( If you need something in addition to whats taught in class). Sorry, I have probably gone all over the subjects you will be touching on.
  10. 1 point

    Dad's Advice - Addresses & Other Tidbits

    In case something happens to you: 1) Somewhere, maybe not electronically if you are concerned about being hacked, note down logins and passwords to important sites (bank accounts) along with the PINs to your bank cards. 2) Make sure someone, maybe your spouse, sibling, friend, etc., knows about your OSHIT folder, where it is located and knows the password (if electronic) to access it. (I read through this pretty quickly so it might have been covered already, but wanted to put it out there.)
  11. 1 point

    Dad's Advice - Addresses & Other Tidbits

    That's some serious background to investigate, especially if you need a contact at those old places you've lived and worked. I know I've learned to keep information in OneNote since it syncs up to so many useful locations and I know I won't lose it. Especially my kids info such as their medical record number, socials, etc. That one tool has saved my bacon for information I needed at the last minute so many times. Digital and in cloud are definitely ways to go with this to avoid losing in my mind, just need to make sure the data itself stays secure. Google keep is another useful tool I use, but more for immediate needs where I have shared lists with my girlfriend for groceries at home and other shopping needs that we both can see and update (and the random notes we write to each other on there out of fun!). Anyhow, guess I need to get to work on remembering every address I've been at since 18......last 10 years is easy, but since 18.....oh man would I be in trouble if I needed that.
  12. 1 point

    Dad's Advice - Addresses & Other Tidbits

    Love the name of the folder! I've been there enough times too! Getting a background check for a Secret Clearance job can really make you say OSHIT far too many times. I wish I had one back then. My Secret Clearance expires in another 4 years and I'll be needing all this information again to re-new. I generally keep most of this information, but not all in one spot. I'll certainly be looking at condensing that down now. Thanks for the pointers!
  13. 1 point

    Tier IX Meds I've Played (Ranked)

    Ukraine is weak!!! https://youtu.be/fzLtF_PxbYw
  14. 1 point

    WoT Clan Invite Requests

    Accepted your application
  15. 1 point

    WoT Wheeled Vehicles Coming Soon!

    When you know the crew layout of the tier X we need that info 🙂
  16. 1 point

    Attention all Streamers!!

  17. 1 point

    Yearly battle report

    Let’s find a way.
  18. 1 point
    Also... check this
  19. 1 point

    Games with Gold December 2018

    Don't forget to get your free games before the end of the month. I know I was forgetting with the holidays.
  20. 1 point


    my best game in the Gneisenau
  21. 1 point

    Holiday Ops 2019

    Bought one 25 box and got the 3a...I'm good
  22. 1 point

    WoT Wheeled Vehicles Coming Soon!

    Free XP to the VI, run the VI in SH, free XP past the VII, run the VIII in SH. Pub the IX & X. Rinse, repeat. This formula is the only way.
  23. 1 point

    WoT Clan Invite Requests

    Awsar, great to see you!! Most of the active guys--including me--from DHO4 moved to DHO-X or DHO since we're trying to consolidate somewhat.
  24. 1 point

    Holiday Ops 2019

    I jumped in and bought 75 Lunar boxes last night. I used an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of each of the boxes. It is on my home computer so I'll post a summary this evening. The short version is for the price of a year of premium time I got a fair number of credits, around 40k gold (both direct and due to tank duplicates), some number of premium days, all of the 3D tank skins, a Turan III, KV-220-2, and the IS3A. So I figure if you were in the market for premium time anyway, this is a decent deal. So I have enough gold to get a year of premium time, plus I may pick up another premium vehicle or two.
  25. 1 point


    I've seen this too many times and it NEVER works out. The only way this works is if both people want this from the start and it's the basis of the relationship and even then it gets strained and I've never seen it last more than a few years. Your wife has issues. Past issues that were never properly dealt with and she doesn't know how to respond to them. They obviously have been building up and building up, and now she is exploding. The last week of "greatness" is just a make up to you. Something's changed. Something's happened. A woman doesn't just become that way over-night. Is she excited by something she saw or heard or read and is taking it out on you? Is she re-living something that happened with you? Do you want to know? Probably not. It's not important. What's important is how you move on from here. No doubt you love her. She's your wife. But love not returned is a useless gesture. You can't go from a monogamous relationship to a polyamarous one. It's gonna fail. Not now, not later, but trust me, eventually those walls will crumble. Therapy is the way to go. Maybe couple and therapy for her alone. Some way for her to talk and work out what is bottled up inside of her that she is trying to get out, and how to get it out with you. You gotta be strong and put your foot down. At the end of the day, you gotta be a man who stands up for himself and his family. Don't get stepped on.